On the Road Again...

Things go back on the market in Los Angeles all the time: Sprawling estates of the rich and famous, that store front next to the hotdog place that never has a business for more than a few months, and well, me. As the president of my own corporation, I have to decide what sort of business I'm running here. What are my projections; what's my five-year plan?

Luckily, I've never had any plans to start a family, so that ticking clock can knock itself out. I do, however, enjoy the companionship and intimacy that comes from close relationships. Oh, and sex. Unfortunately, L.A. is also known for its lazy men. So where can a girl go to get chased these days?

I've tried to have friends set me up with single guys they know. Then I realized that my friends hate me, or at least don't get me. As soon as I reject their offerings they tell me it's probably just as well since he just got out of prison, is still technically married to his third wife and now lives back at home with his mother until he can get a handle on his coke problem.

All roads lead to online dating. I tried Plenty of Fish for a month, but it's a free site full of perverts and looky-loos. Even though I thought I was marketing myself as a lady, I wasn't being approached with any dignity or grace, so I took responsibility for that and started over on Match. I only put up a few candid shots, not showing any skin. I got about 15 emails in a month, compared to over 1,000 on the other site. Though none of them were too interesting, at least they were well written and thoughtful. But I needed some action, cause Match ain't cheap. So I posted one flirtatious pose and received an immediate influx of offers. Ironically, some of the very same men who had previously written me, or ones that were double-dipping from Plenty of Fish, wrote me again. This time, the emails were mostly "Hey how r u" with no punctuation to speak of. I might be getting more attention from men now, but even though my profile is intelligent and witty, they are only looking at the picture, not even realizing I'm the same girl that they devoted an opus to, and I am now worth little more than a fragmented sentence comprised of mainly letters.

But, hey--it takes pressure to make a diamond, right? The market will stabilize. In the mean time, being single is fabulous!