Friday, September 25, 2009

Dumpster Diving



To this day, I don't like drinking out of plastic, and I think it stems from all the "recycling" from my formative years. The whole family would be out at the lake, and even though hundreds of other people had pushed aside or navigated around the various floating objects, my father always fished them out and brought them home--or worse, made me do it. I think all of the cups in the cabinet had once been floating downstream. There was no amount of washing that could ever make me completely at ease with the scary 32 ounce Big Gulp cup with the slightly gnawed rim. I also had to share underwear with my sisters, so I stopped wearing it altogether. But the worst thing was when someone would have lawn furniture in their yard that was just a little too close to the curb. My father would slow the car down and tell us to jump out and grab this chair or that table. I was always scared that the people weren't really getting rid of these perfectly nice items, and that they would stop me with violence once I set foot on their yard. But that never happened. Instead, we collected other people's discarded or unguarded items until the house was brimming with swag. It is amazing what people will throw away, though I am still not completely convinced that the plastic table with the umbrella stand and the matching chairs was being thrown out by that affluent Texas family.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Tricks Are For Kids


Let's face facts, I used to be a bit of a ho. Many girls go through this phase--if they're lucky it's just a phase. The problem with maturing and coming into my own and feeling comfortable in my own skin is that I still live in L.A. The majority of the people here come to be a star, to be worshiped for their physical beauty, and there's no need to bother with emotional exploration or maturity. The boy buffet was beefy and divine when I was sloring it up. But now that I have blossomed into a woman of substance, I am alarmed at the lack of men in this town. It's wonderful, in a sense, to have a place where people can thrive without playing house in the cookie-cutter tradition. On the other hand, my romantic notions starve to death with no men in sight to feed them. Are there any males in Tinsel Town who are done sowing their wild oats and ready to quit turning tricks?